Beer!


Lady Astor, aghast at a party. "Mr. Churchill your drunk!" Mr. Churchill: "And you, Lady Astor, are ugly. As for my condition, it will pass by the morning. You, however, will still be ugly."

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill: "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink." Churchill's reply: "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. (William Butler Yeats)

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. (Catherine Zandonella)

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. (Anonymous)

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls. (Ross Levy)

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. (W.C. Fields)

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? (W.C. Fields)

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. (Frank Sinatra)

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. (Ernest Hemingway)

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. (Dean Martin)

Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it. (Anonymous)

Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder. (Anonymous)

People who drink "light beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee alot. (Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI)

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his friends. (Ernest Hemingway)

Work is the curse of the drinking classes. (Oscar Wilde)

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. (Michelle Mastrolacasa)

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. (Benjamin Franklin)

I drink to make other people interesting. (George Jean Nathan)

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. (Ambrose Bierce)

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. (Anonymous)

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. (Henny Youngman)

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. (Tom Waits)

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? (Stephen Wright)

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. (Frank Zappa)

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven.... (Brian O'Rourke)

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. (Winston Churchill)

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. (Dave Barry)

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. (Humphrey Bogart)

He was a wise man who invented beer. (Plato)

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. (David Moulton)

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. (Kaiser Wilhelm)

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet, tasty beer. (Homer Simpson)

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. (Homer Simpson)

Homer no function beer well without (Homer Simpson)

Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! (Homer Simpson)


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